Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Im Trying, Honest! Atomic Green Junk Food!

I'm such a child.  I can’t help it.  I’ve tried to grow up, I really have.  I’ve tried hard in fact.  I have a job, pay my bills, work hard…hey, I’m even in a grown up relationship with the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.  She’d have to be amazing to wake up next to a misfit like me every morning.  Eileen tolerates every crazy idea with a smile and a kiss, and is the most encouraging person on the planet.  However, try as I may…try as I might, and I am no stranger to trying and remain who I am.

That’s all a child needs really…..encouragement.  That little nod of approval that says, “you are nuts, but go on ahead with your silly self and give it a try.”  There is nothing more supportive or uplifting in one’s life, I think, than to have someone, or several somebodies, who make it their business to adopt an attitude of solidarity in the presence of those creative individuals they choose to love.

My life story could easily be punctuated by those hobbies and interests that have inspired me and propelled me toward new discoveries, adventure and fun.  Music was and is my first love.  At the age of four, a family friend, a guitarist, was probably the first to awaken in my young, growing brain the notion that I could do something besides eat, sleep and shit.  I can clearly remember sitting cross legged on the floor in front of Nole Chivers, the seventeen year old son of my mom’s friend, Val.    I asked him one day if I could “try” his guitar.  He smiled and looked down at me, still seated on my bum at his feet and said, “There’s no reason why you can’t try anything.”   Not long afterward, Nole was killed while racing his motorcycle.  I inherited his guitar at the age of four and a half.  His features has faded from my memory over time but his words to me have never left my brain, and are never far from my consciousness.

Nole would never know the power of what he said to me that day,  but as in that first time his words have changed my life repeatedly ever since.  I have never steered clear of the things that interest me, from that very first day on Nole’s carpet, with a giant guitar in my lap, to multi instrumental recordings.  From skydiving to learning to fly, sail, ride motorcycles and all manner of adventure, I have been fortunate to have the opportunity and talent to chase my dreams and have never been afraid to try anything.

Cycling further , yoga, and getting more fit have taking up a lot of my hobby time lately, but I need to get something off my chest.  I have a new love in my life now, and it’s pretty serious.  So serious that I fear I may be putting my own health and well being at risk.  Funyuns!  Oh my god I love Funyuns.  Little round crispy, loaded with nastiness, delicious, onion flavored rings of happiness.  Whoever invented the Funyun should get the Nobel Prize in Yumminess.  I bought  a bag a couple of weeks ago when Eileen and I took the Catamaran to the lake for a day in the sun and wind.  I almost never buy junk food, honest, but for some reason that lime green toxic waste bag caught my attention and I said to myself….”I’ll try it!”  Since then I have eaten way too many damn Funyuns.  I’m gonna turn into a Funyun if I don’t stop.  I feel so guilty.  They’re like crack for cyclists.  I think that had I discovered Funyuns in the 70’s, that by now I would be a frizzy haired, shirtless, nut job sneaking into abandoned houses with a bag of onions under one arm, a five gallon bucket in the other, building illegal Funyun labs just to feed my own disgusting habit. 

If I don’t get on top of this problem, things are gonna go south in a hurry.  At the store last week I found a giant bag of Funyuns with 12 little smaller bags inside.  Eu-bloody-reka!  What a score.  I tried not to appear too guilty at the checkout stand, but I still got the “look” from the clerk.  It’s the same look I got when I was a teenager, trying to slide on by with a Playboy and a pack of Marlboros nicely mixed in with cart full of groceries, hoping the clerk would be too busy to notice.  Just forget it!  They always notice and you always get the “look!”  Maybe it’s just me….I don’t know.

Today at work, I was putting in roman tub faucet.  My client, a cyclist coincidentally, asked how I had learned to be able to repair such a variety of residential issues.  My honest answer to him was that over the years, if I wasn’t familiar with something, I just tried it till I understood it.   Webster’s dictionary defines the term “autodidactic” as a self taught person.  That’s me I guess…..autodidactic.  I like being autodidactic, but wish there was a different word for it.  It doesn’t sound as pleasant as it is to be.  In fact, in my child like mind, it sounds like there ought to be “colony” for autodidactic people like they used to have for people with leprosy. “Oh, don’t go over there….he autodidactic!”   No matter, I will be autodidactic and learn to like it.  I wonder if all autodidactic people are prone to Funyun addictions.

All this talk of atomic lime green fat food has made me hungry.  There’s still a few little snack sized Funyun bags left in the pantry.  When they’re gone, that’s it.  No more!  I gotta stop.  Well maybe one more, just to be sure I don’t want any…..or if I buy just one big bag and eat them all I won’t want any more….or maybe….